Surviving Loss by Relying on Love and Faith

Sometimes the resilience I see in others truly amazes and inspires me. As challenges arise, I take solace in mentally revisiting times throughout my life when I have witnessed friends and loved ones demonstrate incredible resilience by relying on grace and love. 

The first story I wrote was of a family surviving the most horrible loss by relying on the love and faith they practiced and shared daily. I want to share that story with you today...

“When I learned of Andrew's death and thought of the grief that his family and our school community would face in the coming days, I just wanted to shut my eyes and forget. Now, many long days later, Andrew’s body has been laid to rest. I write this story because I learned important lessons I want to carry with me forever during those days. 

Andrew was an exceptionally bright and resourceful nine-year-old. He was one of my son’s best friends. His days and dreams were filled with superheroes, cub scouts, football games, and newsletters that he loved to write. Andrew was born the youngest of five children. Friends would often wonder how this family managed with their overflowing nest. The laundry alone had to be staggering. Our whole community has become keenly aware of how they manage having watched this family cope with the tragedy that befell them–they bravely rely on the strength that comes from a deep sense of faith and love. 

That Friday was a school holiday for our younger students. Andrew and his brother Geoffrey wanted their mom to order a pizza for lunch, a treat for their day off. Their mother, Kate, had grander ideas. She took her two boys to the French Quarter for lunch at Planet Hollywood—Andrew’s dream lunch! As was typical, Kate brought her camera and took lots of pictures of the three of them enjoying the afternoon together. The most tender photo was of Andrew sitting on her lap. They were embracing. 

People have noted how fortunate she treated her boys to a special treat that day and brought her camera. I thought, no, this is the kind of mother that Kate is every day. Their family goes forward with no regrets.

Then there is the story of Gary, Andrew’s father. That night, the woman whose car struck Andrew, came to the hospital where the family had gathered. Gary went to this stranger and wrapped her in his arms. He didn’t just offer forgiveness, he also told her that she must never feel guilt or blame herself. It was his son who let go of his hand and ran out in front of her car. Andrew was eager to get to the football game to see his older brother play. Amid the horror of losing his son, Gary was comforting the one who he felt most needed comfort.

The visitation was everyone’s worst nightmare, losing a child. As family and friends waited in a line that stretched around the block, we all watched with dread as person after person came out of the funeral home sobbing, unable to look into the eyes of those waiting. How would we be able to face this precious family? What would we say to them? As we approached the family and the casket, one of Andrew’s brothers took our hands and led us to the little table filled with remembrances of Andrew. He proudly showed us Andrew’s newsletters, artwork, and photo album. I held back tears as I looked at photos of Andrew and my son, and the newsletters they worked on together.

I saw Kate, and we wrapped each other in a deep embrace. Words were exchanged, but there was no need. The mother’s love spoke volumes. Gary’s embrace was strong and equally as deep. Then there were the children, Andrew’s brothers and sisters, each with a friend to support them, each looking at us with clear eyes, gratefully accepting the love being offered, generously and graciously giving their love in return.

Nick, their eldest son, stood tall, giving a compassionate embrace as he comforted a football teammate who was sobbing in his arms. This visit with the family was the first ray of light in a sea of darkness. This family has faith and strength that will see them through and carry the rest of us with them.

My son, Andrew’s third-grade buddy, was struggling. He chose not to speak about Andrew or attend the funeral services. Our family prayed to know the best way to help him. Late in the afternoon on the day of the funeral, we approached the street where Andrew’s family lived. My son noted that we were near Andrew’s house, a place he visited often. There was a crowd gathered on the porch and many more people spilled into the house. I asked my son if he would like to stop and say “hi” to Andrew’s mother and family. He said no, but then protested as I started to pass their house. 

His thoughts seemed to be a mixture of fear and a longing to break through that fear. I parked as near as I could get to the house and asked if he thought he could come in with me and give Ms. Kate a hug. I asked him this, not knowing how Kate would feel having a different little boy in her arms and not her own, and if she would be ready for this, but somehow, I knew this would be an answer for all of us. My son, Curtis, wouldn’t get out of the car. I suspect the thought of going into Andrew’s house with him gone was too much. So, I asked him if I could bring Andrew’s mom to see him instead. I was assuming a lot, but then, I knew Kate’s capacity for love.

Curtis waited in the car while I went into the house. After she and I spoke for a minute, I asked if she felt up to coming out to the car to see Curtis. I told her that he was afraid. Kate didn’t hesitate. On her porch, she stopped and shared this thought with me; she said that she has always believed in God, but that now she knows that there is a God because His love and strength had carried her through all of this. Instead of being angry with God, she was being grateful. As we crossed her front lawn, the car door opened, and Curtis came flying out into her arms. Kate scooped him up, and they held each other forever.

My heart filled with joy, and I held back tears of gratitude as this beautiful friend spoke with the ease of a loving mother to my son about all the things he and Andrew had shared, and how he could hang onto that friendship forever. I watched Curtis’ face relax as the fear left him. He was filled instead with her strong mother’s love. She put us all at peace with her grace, her laughter, and the wonderful smile that settled on her face as she spoke of Andrew.

We all miss Andrew deeply, but I don’t worry about him now. I can see that his family has given him all the love, strength, and independence he will need on his journey forward.

This was the first time my four children have had to deal with the loss of a loved one, and I will always be grateful to this wonderful family for their strong example. Their actions are a greater lesson for my children than words could ever teach. Their openness with their grief allowed our whole community to witness the finest example of grace in adversity, depth of faith, and the strength of a loving family. Their strength is a healing love. And, we wondered how they managed with such a large family. May we all manage as beautifully.”

Thank you for reading this story of God’s love, reflected in his precious children’s actions. We all have the strength to go forward. I love the words found in Hymn 278 of the Christian Science Hymnal:

”…Ever one thing do thou ask of thy Lord,

Grace to go forward, wherever He guides thee,

Gladly obeying the call of His word.”

My take always…

• Be intentional about expressing your love and faith every day so that it is naturally there when you need it, build up a storehouse.

• Take the time to do those simple, special things with your family that come to you to do. You will always cherish those precious moments.

• Teach your children poise and grace by your strong example.

• Embrace the love and joy that comes to you through your faith, family, and friends. That love is from God and will carry you through every challenge you face.

Until next time,

Merry

Storyteller LIVE is more than a podcast, it's a community of friends connecting over faith, family, life, and learning. I’ve created it as a way to bring my monthly Storyteller digital series to life. Each episode includes a discussion about a story featured in Storyteller and a special guest with unique life experiences that make them particularly qualified to discuss the topic.  

My first guest, The Reverend Will Hood, an Episcopal Priest, and Retired Navy Chaplain is a former colleague, dear friend, and one of the best most interesting people I know. We met while working at St. Paul's Episcopal School in Lakeview, New Orleans following Hurricane Katrina. In this episode we'll discuss how we talk to God and how we've relied on Him during some of life's greatest challenges.

Stay tuned...the episode is coming soon!

It's hard to be August is almost here! I hope you have enjoyed the Top Ten Summer Activities Challenge as much as my family has. Here's a quick video I created showcasing the peanut butter bird feeders we made. The activity was fun and the memories of those moments I'll cherish forever.

Have you accepted the Top Ten Summer Activities Challenge? Keep me posted on your progress. The Challenge ends this month! Follow along and share your updates too, @merrysorrellsstoryteller.

TOP 10 SUMMER ACTIVITIES

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